The First Day of the Fifth Year in Iraq

I knew it wasn’t going to be good when Lucy called to ask if I’d seen the interview Matt Lauer had done with Condi on the Today show yesterday morning. After spending several minutes convincing me that it was something that I really needed to see, I swallowed an anti-emetic to control the nausea I knew I’d soon be experiencing, took a slug of Pepto-Bismol, sat at my computer and prepared to be ill.

In case you missed it, here’s my version of the transcript:

ML: Good morning Madame Secretary.

CR: Good morning, Matthew.

ML: Madame Secretary, today is the beginning of the fifth year our country will have been in Iraq. Is the President marking this milestone in any way?

CR: Well Matt, actually the President will be forgoing his usual quiche and mimosa and will instead behaving a large bowl of Wheaties, the breakfast of champions. He will also be running an additional 5 laps around the track and spend 45 more minutes than usual in a dry sauna in a show of solidarity and respect for the exhausting job facing our brave young troops and the sometimes sweltering conditions they must endure.

[The interview cuts to the Presidents speech addressing the beginning of the fifth year of the war]

Blah blah September 11th blah Iraq blah blah blah blah blah weapons of mass destruction blah blah blah blah surge blah blah hard work blah blah blah terrorists blah blah blah Al Qaeda blah blah Saddam Hussein blah blah Spetember 11th blah blah Iran blah blah blah newkular capability blah blah blah must not cut and run blah blah blah making progress blah blah blah blah elections blah blah blah attacks blah blah blah blah evil-doers blah blah blah September 11th blah blah blah patience blah blah blah victory.

[Cut from the President’s speech back to the Lauer/ Rice interview]

ML: The President has already begun to implement the troop increase he ordered, should the American people expect to see results soon, or do you feel that the impact may be more subtle and evident only to those in diplomatic circles?

CR: Thank you for the excellent and insightful question, Matthew. The American people need to come to terms with the fact that they are simply unqualified to make an assessment of what constitutes success in Iraq. They need to sit back and leave the important task of handling this matter to the experts in our government. After all, you wouldn’t want your paperboy to be the one to attempt to disarm a dirty bomb in the middle of Times Square, would you?

[Lauer then genuflects, kissing her ring and the hem of her dress before bowing his head and slowly backing out of the room.]


Ethel