Happy Global Warming Feet?

I admit it. I was never properly suspicious of that purple, homosexual indoctrinator of children, Tinky Winky. Remember the Teletubby who had the unfortunate habit of carrying a purse? Never mind that these creatures didn’t possess any characteristics that might clue the viewer in as to what gender they were, or if they even possessed a gender.

Well, apparently I’ve missed the point again with the animated children’s movie Happy Feet. I’ll admit I was actually looking forward to what appeared to be an uplifting, cute movie about those adorable denizens of the Antarctic. Who doesn’t love penguins? With their feathered tuxedoes and lurching gait they remind you of that uncle who got slightly tipsy at your wedding.

Unfortunately, about the best thing that I can say about the experience was that I was able to sit through the movie without chewing my leg off.

I’ve read the rabid reactions from certain factions of the media for the movie’s supposed stance on global warming. One pundit went so far as to characterize the protagonist as an animated penguin version of Al Gore. I wish! Believe me , it would have been far more entertaining. During the eighty-six minutes the movie runs for ( and I counted each excruciating minute until my torment would end), I never once heard or saw any reference to global warming. Over-fishing? Yes. Pollution ? Check. Global- warming? Nada. Were my eyes bleeding at the end of the eighty-six minutes? Absolutely! The plot was thinner than a tomato slice at a cut-rate deli and it was definitely not like an onion. No layers. Just as sometimes a cigar is truly just a cigar, sometimes a bad movie is truly just a bad movie and not part of some vast left-wing conspiracy to brainwash wide-eyed, chipmunk – cheeked children.

However, I’m not going to be fooled again like I was by that purple tubby with the come-hither red purse. A male penguin intent on spreading the joys of tap- dancing to other male penguins? Move over Tinky Winky, my eye’s on the penguin now…

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