Tyra Banks, Worst Role Model... Ever

In April, Tyra Banks was photographed on a beach. She was wearing a swimsuit and had *gasp* cellulite. Tabloid headlines screamed that the supermodel had gained weight. The unflattering pics were splattered across every cover in the checkout aisle. Did Tyra just take it? Nope.

Tyra went public with her weight: 165 lbs. She orchestrated her own onslaught of tabloid covers with a more flattering picture of herself in a swimsuit. She dedicated an episode of her talk show to feeling good about yourself, regardless of weight. Tyra and her "So What?" campaign were champions of women. Great, right?


6 weeks later Tyra was again on magazine covers. This time the headlines screeched: "How Tyra Got Slim!" and "Tyra sheds 30 pounds in 6 weeks!" She is in a green bikini and grinning. Apparently she didn't listen to her own message about feeling good about yourself. Apparently that was all spin. Apparently, although we don't put a whole lot of stock in what she says anyway, we shouldn't bother to listen at all now.

Way to be a role model, Tyra.

Lucy

I'm onto you, Oprah!

Oprah, all powerful media goddess, is up to something.... And I think it's a hidden agenda and alliance with the Pharmaceutical industry. She has gone to great lengths to encourage us to read The Road by Cormac McCarthy, which she has said she is "passionate" about. I heard she told Larry King that it was an "inspirational father-son story" and like nothing she has ever read before.

If "inspiration" is what I was supposed to find, I must have gotten a bum copy. I read the The Road, and by the end of this bleak, depressing saga I was onto Oprah's tricks. In what must be a covert deal with drug companies, Oprah is choosing the most depressing books she can get her hands on. As readers sink into despair, they will seek out the help of antidepressant drugs from their physicians. Ah, how I love a good conspiracy theory.

Just watch... Future editions of many of Oprah's picks (see The Road, The Book of Ruth, Map of the World, etc.) will come with a special edition Prozac trial prescription bookmark in every copy and mini-therapy sessions with Dr. Phil in the "afterwords".

I'm onto you, Oprah....

Lucy

Imus Mess

I planned to sit here and rant about Don Imus and his racist debacle, but I found the entire mess way to repulsive. That, in itself, says it all.
Lucy

LOST: BACK ON TRACK

The last two episodes of LOST have been much improved. They have returned to the formula that made LOST a hit for the first two seasons. A mix of answers and new questions, no new characters suddenly appearing from nowhere and juicy flashbacks have me on the edge of my seat.

Click Read More for discussion that includes spoiler information from the last two weeks.
Last week found Kate and Juliet handcuffed together in the jungle, apparently abandoned there by the Others. After rescuing Jack and Sayid, and realizing that Locke had joined the Others, they began their journey back towards the camp. Kate flashbacks linked her to Sawyer through his jilted lover, Cassidy. It was an interesting episode and it is definitely setting the stage for further conflict between the survivors. Jack’s trust of Juliet is causing Kate and Sayid to question his judgment.

This week was amazing. An offhand remark from Juliet to Jack indicating that she handcuffed herself to Kate and dragged her into the jungle and lied to her about it calls Jack’s loyalties into question… at least for me. The twisted ending that showed us that Juliet is infiltrating the survivors’ camp to spy for Ben, and that they purposely made Claire sick (that they have implanted her with something that gives them that power!) was a great twist. But the question in my mind still remains: Does Jack know that Juliet is there for the Others? Is he protecting her for them? Does he have another agenda? And WHY?

I don’t know the answers, but I am loving the questions….

Lucy

A Disappointing LOST...

Last night’s LOST was most definitely a snoozer. As an avid fan, I was greatly disappointed in the lack of any new revelations, either about the island or the characters’ pasts. The episode featured Hurley flashbacks with a stunt-casting cameo of Cheech Marin as Hurley’s dad.

In order for LOST to maintain its fan base, it has to provide a steady stream of information and/or intrigue. Last evening fell short on both counts.

For more with spoilers/specific episode info… click “Read More”

We already knew that Hurley won the lottery. We also knew that he had terrible luck and quite possibly a curse hanging over his head related to using “the numbers” to win the multi million dollar jackpot. People were dying around him. All of those facts were basically restated in a serious of predictable events such as the interview in front of Mr. Cluck’s which ended with a meteor strike and a dead news crew. Same shit, different day.

A very small glimpse into Hurley’s childhood set up a heavy handed connection to the present day. As Hurley tried to start a car that he was fixing with his father, he was told to “hope”. The car still didn’t start and Daddy disappeared on a motorcycle, with quite possibly the worst wig I have ever seen, for 17 years leaving Hurley with a bar of chocolate. The hope and the car connected to the discovery of a VW van on the island. I suppose at some point, Hurley’s abandonment issues with his manipulative father may come into play… but I hope not.

There was really no reason for the van. No reason for any of the storyline. The best parts were when Sawyer joined Hurley, Charlie, and Jin. The joking camaraderie and insults made the episode tolerable.

Kate took off to find Jack, but first she had to get “help”. How predictable was it that she would go find Rousseau, telling her that Alex (Rousseau’s daughter) is with the Others? I saw that one coming a mile away… or however far away their own private Alcatraz was.

All in all, a substandard episode. If LOST doesn’t find its way back to the formula that made it a success, ABC may find that fans are going to get lost….

Another guilty pleasure...

Okay, I admit it. I love TV. I watch House, Lost, Desperate Housewives, Nip/Tuck, Heroes, Grey's Anatomy, Bones... and yes, One Life to Live, a "daytime drama" aka soap opera.

I am a huge reader and am never without a book in hand, but lately I find myself turning on the set in the evening. Why? Because the quality of those shows is good.

House says things we all wish we could say. Lost is a mystery that pulls you in anew each week. Desperate Housewives, while last season was a bust, makes me laugh... especially with the things I can identify with. Nip/Tuck is unrepentently shocking. Heroes is just plain fun. Grey's is ER Lite, for those of us who don't need the stress. Bones is a new twist on the abundance of CSI spinoffs and ripoffs.

So with all of these smart shows, why do I watch OLTL? First of all, habit. I've been watching for about 20 years. And second, and most importantly, OLTL gave me my first real writing opportunity. I write for The Llanview Banner website. For last couple of years I have been ranting to an audience of 200-500 each column. Soap fans are passionate about their shows and respond to my writing. Some love it, some hate it. But they all read it. They boosted my confidence and helped me move on to the next step. This blog.

So I thank all of my Banner readers and hope they will visit me here. And if any of you are hiding your dirty little soap fan secret, visit me there...

And now a question: Anyone interested in reviews of the shows I have listed? I have considered writing some reviews, but I don't want to waste anyone's time if you aren't interested! Be honest, please!

L

Are you LOST?

As a Lost addict, I am jonesing for my favorite castaways. I haven't missed an episode, nor did I miss much of the Alternate Reality Game this summer. Are any of you Losties?

The Bad Twin, a book tie-in to Lost, by Gary Troup (yes, it is an anagram for purgatory) was released this summer and I wrote an analysis for The Society for the Study of Lost. If you are interested, take a look: http://loststudies.com/1.3/bad_twin.html

L

Panties for Britney -- Please!

We think we’ve figured out the reason for the recent rash (oops, no pun intended…but did you see that razor burn? That’s gotta hurt!) of Britney Spears sightings sans underwear. After putting our two formidable intellects to work on this perplexing, not to mention unsightly, problem, we’ve concluded that K. Fed took possession of Britney’s panties in the divorce settlement thereby leaving her shame bared to the world.

Therefore, in the true spirit of the holiday season, we would like to propose a “Panties for Britney” drive. As mothers ourselves, we know that now Britney is a single mother, she’ll need to be more careful with her health. Just think, if grandma was right about going outside without your hat helping contribute to you catching a cold, heaven only knows what going out like that could cause you to catch.

“Panties for Britney” would be a public service campaign as well. No longer would the rest of us need to scrub our eyes with steel wool to rid ourselves of the images seared into them after viewing the photos of her five-o-clock shadow.

With your help we can keep this from becoming an annual event. On behalf of Britney and the rest of mankind, give generously… PLEASE!!!!!!!

Post by E

Graphic by L

Taglines from TV - Did you Catch that Phrase?

Catchphrases have been known to make or break a television show. Here’s a list of some new and old favorites. Feel free to comment and add your own favorites.

Who Shot J.R.? – Dallas

Save the Cheerleader, Save the World – Heroes

Everybody Lies – House MD

Oh Snap! – That’s So Raven

Seriously – Grey’s Anatomy

Make It Work – Project Runway

Tell us what you don’t like about yourself – Nip/Tuck

The Truth is Out There/ Trust No one – The X Files

Oh my God, they killed Kenny! You Bastards! – South Park

Yada, Yada, Yada – Seinfeld

Jane, you ignorant slut! - Saturday Night Live

Live Long and Prosper – Star Trek

L

Happy Global Warming Feet?

I admit it. I was never properly suspicious of that purple, homosexual indoctrinator of children, Tinky Winky. Remember the Teletubby who had the unfortunate habit of carrying a purse? Never mind that these creatures didn’t possess any characteristics that might clue the viewer in as to what gender they were, or if they even possessed a gender.

Well, apparently I’ve missed the point again with the animated children’s movie Happy Feet. I’ll admit I was actually looking forward to what appeared to be an uplifting, cute movie about those adorable denizens of the Antarctic. Who doesn’t love penguins? With their feathered tuxedoes and lurching gait they remind you of that uncle who got slightly tipsy at your wedding.

Unfortunately, about the best thing that I can say about the experience was that I was able to sit through the movie without chewing my leg off.

I’ve read the rabid reactions from certain factions of the media for the movie’s supposed stance on global warming. One pundit went so far as to characterize the protagonist as an animated penguin version of Al Gore. I wish! Believe me , it would have been far more entertaining. During the eighty-six minutes the movie runs for ( and I counted each excruciating minute until my torment would end), I never once heard or saw any reference to global warming. Over-fishing? Yes. Pollution ? Check. Global- warming? Nada. Were my eyes bleeding at the end of the eighty-six minutes? Absolutely! The plot was thinner than a tomato slice at a cut-rate deli and it was definitely not like an onion. No layers. Just as sometimes a cigar is truly just a cigar, sometimes a bad movie is truly just a bad movie and not part of some vast left-wing conspiracy to brainwash wide-eyed, chipmunk – cheeked children.

However, I’m not going to be fooled again like I was by that purple tubby with the come-hither red purse. A male penguin intent on spreading the joys of tap- dancing to other male penguins? Move over Tinky Winky, my eye’s on the penguin now…

E

Welcome!

When someone voices the popular opinion, people are loud and proud to shout their agreement. Often when someone voices an opinion that has merit but is controversial, that opinion is met with silence. Sometimes that silence indicates agreement, sometimes not. Are there times when you have ideas and opinions that are counter to the popular beliefs of the day but are afraid to voice them? That's why we are here. We are going to shout out loud the things that drive us crazy. We will speak out about current events, trends in education, pop culture, and anything else that comes into our minds. Politically correct or not, we are going to say it all... out loud.

L