Another guilty pleasure...

Okay, I admit it. I love TV. I watch House, Lost, Desperate Housewives, Nip/Tuck, Heroes, Grey's Anatomy, Bones... and yes, One Life to Live, a "daytime drama" aka soap opera.

I am a huge reader and am never without a book in hand, but lately I find myself turning on the set in the evening. Why? Because the quality of those shows is good.

House says things we all wish we could say. Lost is a mystery that pulls you in anew each week. Desperate Housewives, while last season was a bust, makes me laugh... especially with the things I can identify with. Nip/Tuck is unrepentently shocking. Heroes is just plain fun. Grey's is ER Lite, for those of us who don't need the stress. Bones is a new twist on the abundance of CSI spinoffs and ripoffs.

So with all of these smart shows, why do I watch OLTL? First of all, habit. I've been watching for about 20 years. And second, and most importantly, OLTL gave me my first real writing opportunity. I write for The Llanview Banner website. For last couple of years I have been ranting to an audience of 200-500 each column. Soap fans are passionate about their shows and respond to my writing. Some love it, some hate it. But they all read it. They boosted my confidence and helped me move on to the next step. This blog.

So I thank all of my Banner readers and hope they will visit me here. And if any of you are hiding your dirty little soap fan secret, visit me there...

And now a question: Anyone interested in reviews of the shows I have listed? I have considered writing some reviews, but I don't want to waste anyone's time if you aren't interested! Be honest, please!

L

A Modern Modest Proposal

I’d like to take this opportunity to thank Fox network, arbiter of good taste and morality, for taking the proverbial highroad and linking to the cell phone video of Saddam’s execution. This is not because I give two hoots about whether or not he deserved it, but because of the educational and recreational opportunity it presents. What family wouldn’t leap at the opportunity to hunker down with a big bowl of extra-buttery popcorn and watch someone take their final… well, leap? It’s the ultimate in rubber-necking (no pun intended).As for those do-gooders in our society who lament the public execution, or the execution itself for that matter, simply remind them of the efficacy of the coliseum. The Romans used the slaughter of Christians, etc. to keep their citizens both entertained and properly terrified, I mean, educated. Fox is simply following their example.

Because a chord has obviously been struck deep within the our collective subconscious that hearkens back to the fun that was the French Revolution, I have decided in the true spirit of American enterprise to cash in on, ummm , provide the people with the outlet they desire. I propose to Fox in conjunction with the beloved creators of Bum Fights, a new tv reality show that can be thought of as the adult version of that childhood classic, Hangman, combined with all the fun of a piñata. A deal will be made with those states still upholding the death penalty to provide the condemned prisoners/ stars-of-the-hour, thereby alleviating the financial strain of housing and feeding those burdens upon society. Who says you can’t be entertaining as well as civic-minded? The “star” will be provided with a gold sequin noose and a three-legged stool. Lucky audience members will be chosen at random to don black hoods and wield three-foot long clubs. When an incorrect letter is chosen by the viewers, the masked participants will be given a chance to knock the “star” off his stool. Much like our Roman ancestors, viewers at home and in the studio will be able to root for their champions, while also improving their vocabulary and spelling skills. When the final move has been “executed”, audience members will shower the stage with hundreds of pounds of the finest candies and Swiss chocolates for the hooded participants to scramble after in sheer delight and frivolity.

So what do you say Fox? Come on, embrace your inner animal. And for those of you whose bloodlust can’t wait for the show to hit the airwaves, I suggest you buy the video collection of The Faces of Death and a big box of Jujubes to tide you over.

E