Thursday, November 30, 2006

Huh? Are they MADD?

MADD has proposed the use of advanced technology to determine blood alcohol levels and disable a vehicle when the driver is over the preset limit. What the hell are they thinking? At first glance this seems a wonderful solution... After actually engaging some brain cells in real thought, one can see that, at the very least, this is idiotic.

This program addresses the repeat offenders because apparently the first time you get drunk you won't get in an accident. Sort of like the first time you have sex you won't get pregnant. Everybody knows that. And as for those repeat offenders, we have a novel idea. How about after their second conviction, hold onto your seats... this may be controversial... you revoke their damn license permanently!

Besides the obvious question of how to prevent the soused individual from having a sober friend start the car or paying off an innocent bystander to start the car, how will you prevent this soused individual from driving another vehicle not equipped with Santa's "He Sees You When You're Drinking" technology? Perhaps we need to install cameras on every street corner or better yet, we could surgically implant drunk detectors in the all adults of drinking age, that activates a scrolling banner declaring "I'm drunk, don't let me drive!" on their foreheads.

What about those individuals who are taking prescription drugs that inhibit their ability to drive? Should we require them to prick their finger for a blood analysis before their car will start? God forbid, what about the person who imbibes in a half glass of lite beer while on said medication? We all know that most of the elderly are driving impaired without the aid of alcohol or drugs. Maybe a complicated series of vision and mental screenings prior to getting behind the wheel would be deterrent enough.

Let's not stop there. Don't listen to that little boy that is saying that the Emperor is naked! Perhaps we should start installing devices on anything that could cause harm. Obviously the first thing that needs to be dealt with is guns. We wouldn't want anyone taking prescription drugs to toss one back with the boys before going out hunting and accidentally shoot someone in the face. Hello, Mr. Cheney!

Why stop at guns? Harm comes through the computer as well. A few too many and that highly unflattering photo of you showing off your rhinestone mesh thong is getting record setting hits on MySpace. Goodbye keys to the executive washroom.

While we understand that the people at MADD are well intentioned, we need to stop and remind them that the road to hell is paved with those good intentions. Let's take a step back and use common sense and show some willingness to solve this problem with basic human decency and compassion. Nobody wants to get involved, but we have to get involved on a personal level. A machine will never solve our society's ills. That's up to us.

So the next time you see a coworker sip one too many Chocolate Martinis, don't hand them a party blower, take their damn keys and call a cab. Enough said.

L & E

1 Comment:

jP said...

I did think that particular news item was a bit ridiculous. How can it be considered safe to have a vehicle that won't start right away when you get into it? Not only does the concept eliminate fast getaways, but if there were a breakdown in the system, who knows if you might get stranded somewhere.

I agree... take their licenses away. Make them take the bus.