Thursday, December 21, 2006

A New Way Forward???

So Captain Queeg wants to send an additional 20 to 30 thousand more troops to Iraq in a temporary “surge”? While trying not to focus on the devastation suffered due to the last surge we faced in the form of Katrina, we need to ask ourselves if we can allow this to happen. Operation “A New Way Forward Into The Gaping, Sucking Vortex Of Death And Destruction” has its problems. Yes, the number of attacks has increased. Yes, the number of troop fatalities has steadily risen. But let’s not be too short-sighted.

In addition to certain slaughter, the primary difficulty with our fearless leader’s plan is where to find the warm bodies to ship over when our military leaders have stated that particular well has run dry. Therefore, I propose that every congressman and senator who voted for the war, their children, and their wealthy supporters, should all be sent over as a Christmas present to our country. Of course they would need to submit to the same 5 to 6 month training period that our troops are required to fulfill. We may have to keep an eye on Congressman Jack Kingston though. Remember him? He was exceedingly upset when he learned that the House would begin following a 5 day work week rather than the two day schedule they’d previously been following. As worried as he is about the impact of those three extra work days a week on his marriage, he may run for the hills when he discovers that the training period doesn’t count toward his “boots on the ground” time. Focus on the positive Congressman Kingston. Think of the bragging rights you’ll enjoy! After all, less than 1% of the people in our country can boast about having been on a 500 billion dollar jaunt.

And yes Jenna, this means you and Barbara will have to forego some tequila shots, but your dad promises you’ll only be there for a little while. Don’t worry, you won’t get lonely. Your dad and Uncle “Shooter” will be there too. However, after viewing’sDecember 19th story regarding Dick’s latest victim (a deer who apparently knew too much), our troops have stipulated that his gun be retrofitted with the breathalyzer unit MADD advocates, as well as a duck call. If Dick manages to sneak alcohol over in a hip flask to wash his meds down with, the device from MADD will prevent him from being able to fire his weapon. In the event that he is able to shoot, the duck call would alert our troops to take cover. After all, you just can’t trust a guy who’d leave a warning like that on his lawn for Santa.

Carl “Minister of Deception” Rove, and Condi “Fiddle While Iraq Burns” Rice will also be packing to join you on your most excellent adventure. Think of it as another in the long series of vacations you both so enjoy. Only in the desert. With people shooting at you.


TomCat said...

It seems that Bush only sees what he wants to see and hears what he wants to hear. He cares not that our young men and women are paying for his failure and hubris with their lives.

R2K said...

: )