What Moved Dick To Do It?

Oliver North has been making the rounds of the TV. talk-shows joking about a sniper in Iraq who took a pot-shot at him and missed. He observes that the sniper was “obviously trained by French girl-scouts and not Dick Cheney” thereby confirming what I’ve long suspected; Ollie, White House insider, North is confirming that Dick shot his friend intentionally. The only question left unanswered now is why?

Perhaps the elderly lawyer wondered aloud what the day’s body count was in Iraq. We know Dick doesn’t like that. Or maybe he asked how Dick could be one of the architects of an administration that marginalizes gays when one of his own children is gay. (Congratulations to Dick and Lynne, by the way, on the pregnancy of their daughter Mary and her partner.) He might have even attempted friendly banter about Kellogg, Brown, and Root, part of the Halliburton family that Dick was the head of, and their involvement in human trafficking that was exposed in the Chicago Tribune’s “Pipeline to Peril”. Dick couldn’t have been too pleased about the potential negative impact to the companies’ bottom line. Having to actually house people humanely and pay them fairly? Dick’s blood had to have been boiling. Maybe while belting one back before going out with loaded weapons Dick’s pal brought up the pesky fact that a large percentage of Americans seem to be coming out of their terror-induced stupors. Or could it have simply been that Dick was driven to shoot his buddy in a jealous rage fueled by his chum’s flawlessly smooth complexion?

While we may never know what it was that triggered the shooting, we can at least rest assured that if Dick shoots at you he does it well, unlike that namby-pamby sniper. And if you don’t believe that, you don’t know Dick.

And Dick, just a suggestion, guys with reputations like yours should really insist on being called Richard.

E